Do I Love My Work?

Some people freely and openly profess their love for the school and the students.

My friend Z however, is ever so truthful about it. I am not that noble, she said. To her, school is a hell hole and students are the devils. She is only in it for the money. If she has a better way to earn a living, she will not have become a teacher. Or at least, she will choose not to teach here in this school.

So what about me? Well, do I like my school and my students?

First of all, I must admit that I like the brand. The name used to be associated with greatness. But now, it is no longer great. The thing is that there are still many inside and outside the school who still think that it is great. I think they are just deluding themselves. 

How about the environment? Well, it's an old school and it shows. Efforts to upgrade are ongoing ... but then they cannot cover the traces of the years gone by. The damage to the physical buildings however, is nothing in comparison with the rot in the working environment. 

There is a nervous energy around. Everyone seems to be trying so hard to prove themselves to the all-powerful administrative team. People who do not try to prove themselves will be deemed a non-performer. One needs to self-promote in order to gain favours from the top. 

The administrative team themselves are made up of a pack of dinosaurs. They have been in their positions for far too long, doing the same things over and again every year. They are too comfortable in their places as they command deference and cooperation from the rest of the school community. These dinosaurs are so tight, that when a new dinosaur comes, it does not fit in. The new dinosaur is all alone in its endeavours, even though it is supposed to be the head of the pack. 

As an underling, I am expected to conform with no questions asked. Ask and I will be prejudiced against. The dinosaurs will think that I am unwilling or I am difficult or I am rebellious. "Feel free to discuss if you have problems." It is an invitation that no one ever takes up. As a result, there are many underlying problems that are not addressed. Why should they be addressed anyway, for most of the problems are seen to be stemming from down there ... where a majority of us dwell. It is and will always be our faults. 

I also dislike the way things are communicated from up there. It seems like I am just expected to know what to do without being told. Many times, I ask myself whether I am a mind-reader. Did the dinosaurs expect me to know what they are thinking without them telling me so? Just recently, I received a text message from this dinosaur. Let's just call it Stegosaurus. Stegosaurus texted, "PPD said nobody join XYZ competition." Of course nobody joined the competition because we did not know of its existence. If we did not know about it, we did not invite entries from the students. It was funny that Stegosaurus expected us to join a competition that we did not know about. 

Stegosaurus' message could be interpreted as 'you are not doing your work'. It emitted that vibe. The text could have been just, "Can you get someone to participate in this XYZ competition?" and I would have complied. I suppose I was not angry with the message so much. I was angry because it seemed like Stegosaurus was accusing me of not doing my work when in fact, it did not even tell me that I was supposed to do it in the first place. 

This is just an example of my brush with one of the dinosaurs. With Stegosaurus in particular, I have had many frustrating episodes. It left me feeling really demoralised and depressed.

The dinosaurs notwithstanding, I do have some good friends among my colleagues. We chat in our messenger apps every day. Prior to Covid-19, we gather together to socialise, we go for walks sometimes and we even travel together during the holidays. These people make the situation a bit more endearing. 

The students? Do I love them? Obviously not all. There is this class that I am teaching with students that are not brilliant and they are not angels. They come late to my online class and sometimes they skip my classes. But I love them for being cooperative during my lessons. Sometimes, you just click with the students, and with this particular class, I must say that I do click. I love these mischievous lot of students, yes. 

So am I in it for the money? Well, I must say that I love to teach because it's what I do best. If there is one thing I like, it is lesson design. I carry out my lessons well and feel good about them afterwards. I also love other professional work related to my teaching - even marking. What I don't love is the other tedious work in school - like taking charge of cocurricular activities or minding the cleanliness of the toilet or managing the school canteen activities ... the reality is that I cannot pick and choose what I like and do not like to do at school. Everything comes in a package.

The sad thing for me is that this package is not tailor-made for me. It is a package that I inherited from the previous personnel who had since retired. It was customised for that particular teacher, who was quite happy with her load of work. Me? I found it a chore, and yet I am expected to carry on the legacy. Hence, it left me very dissatisfied. I kept asking myself why should I be tasked with what was suited for that person? I wasn't that person. I was me. 

Today, 7.5 years after I come here, I do not enjoy my work at all and my career is at an all-time low.

Dear W

Dear W,

I think you will be more productive if you focus on what you are doing at hand and stop gossiping about people behind their backs. Well, but if you choose to continue gossiping, then please be more careful about it so that you don't get caught. 

But even if you are caught, the best thing to do is to own up and apologize. Aren't you man enough to do that? Why cover up and pretend that it never happened? 

You must be thinking that I am a fool, W. But then, who am I to you, W? Who cares, right? 

Well, I just want to tell you that I am so happy that I do not have to deal with you and the likes of you anymore.  I wish you all the best in your US endeavours in 2023 and I will be reading all about it in the newspapers.

Ms G

Gone Bonkers On It's Okay Not To Be Okay

Watching an ongoing drama is a pain because only 2 episodes are aired every week ... and I have to wait and wait for the story to unfold. The waiting would go on for the next 7 weeks, because normally a k-drama is made up of 16 episodes which would be aired within that time frame. When the story is gripping, waiting becomes torturous. On the other hand the, watching an ongoing drama gives you that time to think about the story deeply, to reflect on the plot and the characters, to come up with various theories to explain the plot and perhaps even predict what is going to happen next!  

Currently, there is a k-drama that is really good. Titled It's Okay To Not Be Okay (IOTNBO), it tells of a story of a caregiver and a storybook writer. The caregiver is portrayed by actor Kim Soo Hyun, whose casting itself has caused a lot of buzz. It's his first leading role on tv in 5 years, not to say, his first major work after returning from military service. Hence, lots of his fans anticipate this drama.This is my first KSH drama and he's converted me into a fan ever since the first ep. For one, I just cannot get over how good he looks on screen. Aside from his unbelievably good looks, he acts very well, I must say. Meanwhile, the storybook writer is portrayed by actress Seo Yea Ji. She’s familiar to me since I've watched her in Hwarang and Lawless Lawyer. She does seem to be a great actress. I do like her a lot. Here in IOTNBO, her character is dressed up in outrageous outfits and she looks gorgeous! 

Aside from that, I liked the use of fairy tales in the story - like Rapunzel, Bluebeard, Red Shoes, Beauty and the Beast and other originals like Zombie Kid and Spring Dog. The themes and motifs of these stories are tied to the development of the plot and the characters, so that is really interesting. 

Anyway, it's been 7 episodes and I'm totally obsessed with story and so I've been posting daily on my social media platform. There's too much to say in a single blog post and I don't even know where to start.

So our protagonist, Moon Gang Tae (GT) worked as a caregiver at a psychiatric ward. And he had an elder brother Moon Sang Tae (ST) who was autistic. GT had been caring for his ST since young, after their mother passed away. He had always resented it but was too afraid to admit it. GT and ST never settled down at one place for more than a year. ST was haunted by the butterflies which he saw kill their mother. When butterflies appeared, it was time for the brothers to move away to another town. 

Ko Moon Young (MY) was a children's book who was diagnosed with ASPD. Her mother had disappeared when she was a child and she was estranged for her father. One day, GT and MY met at the hospital he worked at. At the time, she hurt him with a knife. He recognised her as the girl who saved his life when they were kids. But, she thought he was pretty and wanted him to be her safety pin, i.e. someone who could keep her under control. 

By this time, he and his brother had moved back to Seongjin City, their hometown. He worked at OK Hospital. And in her red shoes, she went after him. Seongjin was also her hometown, in fact. Her father, who suffered from dementia was a long-term resident at OK Hospital.

GT found MY uncomfortable because she pinpointed his deepest desire - to be free from his brother so he could live his own life. MY, on the other hand, seemed obsessed with GT. She was going to get him to move into her family home. 

So she went after his brother. ST was good at drawing and was a fan of MY. So they signed a contract whereby he would be the exclusive illustrator of her new book. He would move into her house and work from there. GT was mad about his arrangement, but because he could not abandon his brother, he was forced to move into the house as well. 

As they stayed in close proximity, he discovered that she had sleep paralysis and often had terrifying nightmares of her mother. And he was in the process of helping her overcome it. Meanwhile, GT himself was also healing from his deep resentment towards his late mother and his brother. He had always thought his mother loved his brother more. But in fact, she was forced to care for his brother more because he was special. It did not mean that his mother loved him less. 

This drama took me on a roller coaster of emotions every episode. I've barely scrapped the surface in this brief synopsis of the story ..... but I shouldn't say so much here. I'd recommend everyone to watch the show on their own so as to enjoy the story fully. :)) 

Shopping For A Skirt

In the wee hours of Friday morning,  my clothing rack collapsed. I really had a lot of clothes hung on the rack, so it probably could not take all the weight. Despite that, I'd still used the rack for 6 years and finally, it gave way and all my clothes were strewn on the floor. So there I was picking up my clothes from the floor at 3.30 a.m. in the morning. 

On Friday afternoon, I went to the newly-opened Emart at Tabuan Jaya ... and it happened that they were clothing racks on sale. RM16.90 per piece and I bought 2 of them. I thought I'd distribute the clothes between the 2 racks ... spread out the weight so that the rack could stand properly. This simple clothing racks weren't normally all that sturdy after all.

On Saturday, I organised my clothes .... there were so many nice clothes that I had outgrown but hadn't gotten rid of. I kept all the nicely tailored ones and the ones that I liked even though I could no longer wear them. Heh. So while going through those clothing that I normally wore, it struck me that I would buy more skirts now that school had started and I needed to wear them daily. 

By the way, I only wore black or navy blue skirts .... they could be pencil or A-line or midi or maxi or knitted or pleated .... whatever they were but I would buy them all in black or navy blue. So I thought of a particular skirt that I had tried on at Parkson .... it was back in March before the MCO. The skirt was black and was slightly flared and had pretty ruffles at the bottom. I liked it when I saw it and even tried it on. Though it fitted me and looked alright on me, I did not buy the skirt at the time ... probably because there was no discount. I made a mental note of the size, in case I wanted to purchase it later in the future. 

Last night, I had thought about this skirt .. and I planned to to Parkson today to see whether the skirt was still available to buy. I distinctly remembered where the skirt was located last time, so I headed straight there. I walked up and down the section but didn't see it.They must have been sold out, I thought. I even reprimanded myself for not buying it when I had the chance to do so. Because it was certainly not very often that I came across something I liked. 

I wandered to the other clothing sections but failed to find any skirt that I liked. Before I left, I went back to check for the final time .... and this time, I somehow managed to find it. The skirt had been moved to a different rack! But at least it was still there! I quickly looked for my size. Yippee they had it though it was the last piece. I WAS buying it no matter what.

I checked with the salesperson and found out that the skirt was on 30% discount. Yay. She said I could buy another regular-priced item at 50% discount. So I left the skirt with her at the counter while I tried to look for a second piece of clothing to buy ... I browsed around but didn't find anything suitable. So I was going to pay for my skirt and leave. So this salesperson was sorting things out with a middle-aged lady ... so I sort of interrupted them to get my skirt since I was quite impatient. 

Then this lady saw my skirt on the counter ... and suddenly she turned to me proposed that I pay her for my skirt. Huh? She quickly explained the situation to me.

Yesterday, she had bought the same skirt in a smaller size.  Because of Covid-19 prevention, the fitting rooms were closed at the moment. So she had bought the skirt without trying it on. When she reached home, she discovered that she couldn't wear the skirt because it was too small. And she did not want to exchange it for a larger size because the skirt did not suit her. She claimed that she looked weird in it. So she was trying to exchange the skirt for a different clothing item only that the salespeople did not know how to go about helping her to do that. 

So the easier thing would be to exchange the skirt for a larger size and sell the skirt to me since I had wanted to buy it anyway. Problem solved. It would be a win-win situation. She would get her money back and I would get my skirt. I immediately agreed and she was really thankful. She kept saying, "Thank You, Lord. Thank You for this miraculous arrangement."

When I thought about it, it was indeed quite miraculous. I mean, for us to be there at the very same time and doing the very same transaction for the very same piece of clothing ... I mean, that didn't happen very often, right? So there must have been some Godly intervention?

I went away feeling happy that I could be of help to her. And at the same time, I did thank God for answering her prayer. 

New Norm At Work

School's started last week. The timetable changed to accommodate the SOPs. The staff and students' body temperatures were taken every morning. We had to wash our hands before going into the school premises. We had to sanitize our tables and chairs every morning as well. 

The P allowed the teachers to eat at the canteen. The students, though, were disallowed to do so. During recess, the students had to queue up to go to the canteen, and then wash their hands too before buying their food. They then brought their food back to their classroom to eat, supervised by the teacher. 

I was assigned recess duties. So every recess, I had to go to a designated class to "invite" the students to go to the canteen, and then accompany them downstairs, ensure they line up and wash their hands and then accompany them back to their classroom, and keep watch while they eat. It was babysitting duties which I did not mind since it allowed me the opportunity to exercise a bit, climbing up and down the stairs to the classroom and the canteen. 

Because of all these procedures, the regular housekeeping period and recess had been lengthen ... and we all would go home 30 minutes later than usual. Next week, we'd have to do our extracurricular activities online in the afternoons as well.  

Our regular teacher-on-duty schedule was revamped too. I was now on duty every fortnight, on Fridays. I was in charge of a classroom block .. that meant I just had to stand there to make sure that the students were orderly and stayed one-metre apart from one another while they go in and out their classrooms in the morning and after school.

My table in the staffroom was x-ed. Lol. That meant I had to move out and sit elsewhere. My colleagues and I convened in a classroom .... but somehow it turned out that all of us in that classroom were Chinese. It was very distracting because we talked too much. Heh. So I couldn't get things done for the first 2 days. The 3rd day was better since there was a new Internet network installed at our location and I could get on with work. 

Age is surely catching up. I just felt so lethargic over the past 4 days since school reopened. I think it was because I had to wake up early at 5.00 am. After all these days, I still hated waking up at the ungodly hour of 5 am. So for 3 months during MCO, I'd been happy to wake up past 7.00 a.m. I knew I'd suffer once school started ... and indeed I am now suffering till I can tune my body clock once more to waking up early. I would force myself be in bed by 10.00 pm ... but sometimes I'd wake up at 3.30 a.m. If I were lucky then I'd manage to sleep till the alarm woke me up at 5.00 a.m. Another reason why I was so tired was probably because of PMS. Now that I'm older, I feel the effects more. 

I'd be functioning alright in the morning in school ... but once I reached home, I would be zapped out of all the energy. I'd be struggling to keep my eyes open. It would be good to have a short power nap. I didn't because I was worried that it would hinder me from sleeping at night. So I'd be lying down on the floor and be too tired even to get up.

Now that school's started, I only have time to play around in the kitchen during the weekend ....

Chicken and potato Paratha Puff

These puffs are easy to make using frozen paratha pastry .... just cook up some potatoes and chicken with curry paste to wrap in the pastry and bake till browned. They make a great tea time treat! Have a good week ahead, people!  

 

June 2020 : Update on Life

How's everyone? Like everyone else, I've been holed up at home since 18 March 2020. Luckily, I don't really mind staying at home so I must say that I do quite enjoy the lengthy time spent indoors. Not all's sweet, of course. At first, I was really anxious about the Covid-19 virus and the potential risk of infection. 

 Well, you see, before the movement control order (MCO) was imposed, there was a big event at my school. And there was a guy who visited us at the time. A few days later, he was tested positive for the virus. We were all scared because we were either in contact with him, or in contact with others who were in contact with him. That meant that my whole school was at risk. So we were all asked to self-quarantine for 2 weeks, and in case there were symptoms, we were all asked to go for tests. Thankfully though, no one from my school was infected. 

3 weeks into the MCO, the filling of my tooth came out. And I hesitated going to the clinic to have it extracted. One, I was scared of being at risk of Covid-19. Two, I was afraid of getting a tooth extraction. Three, I didn't want to go around with a missing tooth. Well, I'd been struggling with this tooth for at least a year. I think I knew that it was already cracked because it gave me a lot of pain every time I chewed. Eventually, my gum swelled. I went to a dentist, and he suggested root canal treatment. But 3/4 through the treatment, he said the tooth had cracked and couldn't be kept. Funny that he didn't see the crack earlier?? I'd paid RM800 for a botched treatment. He wanted to extract it, but I was adamant about keeping the tooth with a temporary filling. 

In March, I consulted the dentist at my school. She checked my tooth, and confirmed that the tooth had cracked vertically and had to go. But before I had the chance to get it extracted, the country went into MCO. I decided to wait out the virus before extracting my tooth. Only that the filling came out while on MCO and I had a gap in the tooth for such a long time. I had to make sure I kept up with oral hygiene - brushing and rinsing after every meal. It was a hassle but at least I didn't struggle with toothache. Until last Friday, and it got really painful and uncomfortable. 2 days ago, I finally had it removed. My gum's still swollen and I'm one tooth short. Thankfully it is well-hidden and cannot be seen when I speak or smile. The next thing to do is to look into the option of dental implant. 

In May, 2 bad news hit the family. An uncle was at the final stage of liver cancer and passed away on 17 May. He was the most generous person I knew of. You couldn't meet in at the coffee shop for he would surely pay for your food. And he was the one who constantly supplied us with durians, bananas, and lots of other fruits and vegetables - all grown in his own orchard. Not only was he kind to us, he had surely touched many lives. I read a tribute written by one of his staff and it brought tears to my eyes. Immediately after this incident, we were then informed that another aunt was diagnosed with lung cancer. She's currently on medication. 

Work wise, lots of things are going on online. However, I am deprived of the opportunity of online teaching because I currently do not have any classes. This year, I've only been assigned Lower 6 classes - and till today, I do not know when the Lower 6 students are enrolling. So while others are busy with Google Classrooms, I am just busying myself with CPDs by attending webinars and online courses. I did physically go to school yesterday for a meeting. Because school is recommencing next week, there are lots of preparation needed and for reasons I do not know, the P said he was "angry" with the lack of a committee to oversee the sanitization of the school premises when indeed there were people in charge of it. Weird. I think the current school that I'm in here is weird in many ways, and I just cannot enjoy working in the same way I enjoy working with the professional Mr. MR in Miri. Sigh. 

This year also, I can kiss my travel plans goodbye. I want to go to Italy and China and South Korea this year. And in the beginning of the year, I was looking into Hokkaido. My friends and I had in fact planned to drive to Mukah as well ... but currently all those plans have to be put on hold. That doesn't stop me from dreaming about travelling. One night, I was visiting Switzerland and it snowed but I forgot to bring my winter clothing. Lol. Another night, I was enjoying some good food in Thailand. Lol. I really look forward to traveling again in the future. 

Most of my time at home was spent watching K-dramas - I watched Crash Landing on You (CLOY), Itaewon Class (IC), Romantic Doctor Teacher Kim 2 (RTDK2), Masters Sun (MS), Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo (WFKBJ), The World Of the Married (TWOTM), The Tale of Nokdu (TON), City Hunter (CH), VIP, Because This Is My First Life (BTIMFL), The King: Eternal Monarch (TKEM), Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo (MLSHR). I also watched Kim Ji Young Born In 1982 (KJYBI1982) and The Great Battle (TGB). 

Hmn .... Hyun Bin was dashing in CLOY but the story did not really excite me. I enjoyed IC, and loved Park Seo Joon's confidence and charisma in there. RDTK2 was really moving for me and I enjoyed the moral dilemmas faced by the characters. It also turned me into an Ahn Hyo Seop fan. MS was funny in the beginning but somehow got so draggy towards the finale. I loved WFKBJ because it was so light and comedic and the entire show sailed through for me nicely. I also loved the 2 leads which I thought both suited the roles very much. I loved the shock and angst while watching TWOTM, especially in the first six episodes, where I found myself gasping at the unbelievable twists in the plot! Loved the execution of the drama. Neither TON nor CH engage me with their plots. But I found both VIP and BTIMFL contemplative and thoughtful dramas that were worth watching. TKEM was too confusing for me - I had trouble recognising the many characters' doubles and I couldn't understand the mathematical concepts so it affected my enjoyment of the show. TKEM had only succeeded in only turning me into a Woo Do Hwan fan. I liked MLSHR because of Lee Joon Gi and that was it. I honestly did not care for the succession story, but I wished the romance plot was dealt with in a better and a more satisfying way.  KJYBI1982 was such an ordinary tale with deep meanings. The Mandarin lines in TGB was hilarious for drama about war. Of course I also watched some K-variety shows like Ask Us Anything, 3 Meals A Day, vlogs on Youtube and so on. 

So with so much of K-content during MCO ... so I did try to make some K-food. I think my cooking skills have deteriorated a lot because I do not cook regularly now. But still, I like to experiment making the food. Sharing some of my favourites this MCO :

This is just Spicy Jin Ramen. I bought the ramen pot in Busan when I visited 2 years ago. 

I also made Korean Street Toast. Just cook shredded cabbage and shredded carrots in the omelette. Yummy and easy to make. Must serve with tomato sauce! 

Instant Jjajang Ddeokbokki and Chicken Buldak noodles are a good combination!

Menbosha which I airfried so that it was healthier. 

Loved this chives pancake which was crispy. I made the kimchi too. I was most satisfied with this batch of kimchi which was drier and not watery. 

After watching TKEM, I was tempted by the PPL in the show and drove all the way to buy this bubble tea. Turned out meh. It tasted flat and one-dimensional. 

2 weeks ago, my local supermarket stocked up on Korean products and I managed to get Jjapaghetti which I had wanted to try for the longest time! 

Made Japchae from scratch. Mom loved this dish.

Made bibimbap for the first time also. I really loved it as it turned out more delicious than expected. It was easy to make too! Will definitely reprise soon. 

I bought a hotteok press online and when it arrived, I made some hotteok. I couldn't handle the soft dough very well and so the sweet version did not look presentable to be photographed. They tasted superb though. These mini hotteoks were filled with chives and pork ... they tasted good and looked cute too. I will make some more hotteoks soon. 

Well, I do have thoughts about writing again because it is therapeutic for me. Hopefully, not too long before I am inspired for another post. Annyeong! 

The Ambulance and The Nurse

This rainy morning, the peace and calm of our household was interrupted. And I calmed myself down when I was tasked to call 991 as it was crucial that I spoke clearly and logically. Second Uncle couldn't move at all ... he'd actually been struggling when moving for the past few days and we 're all not sure what was wrong.

The operator led me through the procedure, asking the necessary questions. Then, they connected me to the hospital. And after asking me a few more questions, the operator instructed me about how to deal with the patient in case he got weaker before the ambulance arrived.

The whole process went well, and I was terribly happy about how it went.

About 15 minutes later, the ambulance arrived. But the personnel in the ambulance was hardly friendly and reassuring. Especially the nurse. Because I caught the look on her face when we greeted her with a good morning.

Did she wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning? Or perhaps had she been on shift the whole night?  Was she too immuned to other people's ordeal?

It's a tall order, but I wish all medical personnel would have a sense of empathy for the pain and suffering of patients. Sure, they are looking after so many of them, but without the sense of compassion, they will never be able to provide comfort to the patients and their caretakers. And that's really a sad thing.