Grandma's Funeral

I woke up at about 3.15 a.m. I was disorientated, but I could hear plenty of sounds downstairs - I heard the familiar shuffling of feet, the movement of the furniture, the opening and closing of doors. I knew that Mom was up and about, but I wondered why she had woken up so early! Was it because she couldn't sleep again?

I tried to ignore the sounds and go back to sleep ... but it proved too distracting. It was disturbing my sleep. I got out of the bed and headed downstairs. My intention was to ask Mom to be quieter. As I went down the stairs ... I saw the interiors brightly lit. Fifth Aunt was moving a shelf aside. The dining room was now completely bare. Immediately, I knew what had happened.

Mom saw me at the stairs, and informed me what I had already known. Grandma had passed away that morning. At 1.45 a.m. She was 93 years old. My parents and Fifth Aunt were moving the furniture away to prepare for the funeral wake at our house. At any moment then, Grandma's body was due to arrive at our house.

Outside, I saw that the undertakers were already starting to set up equipment. My other uncles and aunts had also started to come to the house. Soon, the refrigerated casket was ready. We were asked to line up and offer Grandma tea as she was brought into the house and placed in the casket. She looked at peace, just like she was sleeping. An altar was set up in front of the casket and soon, the heady scent of incense filled the whole house.

Dad asked me to prepare the obituary, which I did together with Fifth Aunt. The others set about to contact relatives far and near. I went to work despite the situation at home, but made it home as early as I could.

In the afternoon, as relatives trailed in to pay their last respects, I sat outside at the porch, and burnt hell notes in a basin.

Family members from far away started to come home on the second day. The first to arrive was my bro, sil and Berry who arrived just after midnight .... followed by Third Uncle and family from Perth, Aunt A from Singapore, and cousin A from KL.

The wake was held for 2 days and 2 nights ... and the evening and night times were exceptionally busy times - especially after they had seen the obituary in the newspaper. Relatives, many of whom I had not seen before came by .... so did friends of my parents, uncles and aunts, neighbours, and so on. Even till the very last hours of the wake, people were still coming by!

We also received many lovely wreaths. They filled the entire living room! I counted 19 of them, and 3 bouquets too!

The encoffin service was held on the afternoon of the Second Day. "Big house" was the term they used to refer to the coffin. I'd almost forgotten that there was such a term. We lined up at the side as the coffin was brought to the house .... and Grandma was transferred from the refrigerated casket to the coffin. Then, the undertakers filled the coffin up with some of Grandma's personal belongings, lots of hell notes, and fresh flowers.

2 chanting ceremonies were held - once of each day. On the first day, it was held in the afternoon, and on the second day, it was at night. Anyone could join in the prayers for Grandma. I looked after Berry, as my parents, Bro and sil took part in the prayers.

We experienced lots of love from some friends, and also a particular relative of ours. On the first night, Uncle R's best friend brought a tray of homemade local kueh! They were filled with Kueh Cangkeh and Ondeh-ondeh ..... which we ate and served our guests who dropped by.

Our relative, AC came the next morning with 10 packets of kolo mee and 10 packets of chicken porridge! In the afternoon, he came with packets and packets of assorted buns! On the day of the funeral, again AC brought for us big steamed baos! Nearly 30 pieces altogether!

On the day of the funeral too, Aunt S' friend brought us 3 packets of local kueh! It was really kind of them to bless us with all these food.

So much of love shown by friends and relatives .... 

Some people camped over at our house during the wake. Fifth Aunt stayed overnight together with Grandma's maid. Still, my parents did not sleep a wink on the first night as they kept vigil. On the second night, relatives were at the house all night, sitting through the night at the porch to chit chat .... My parents could finally catch some shuteye. Even then, they slept only for a short while and woke up at about 3.00 a.m. I got up at 4.00 a.m., and did my ablutions and changed into my white t-shirt and black pants. Then joined the other downstairs. Aunt A ... Dad ... Mom ... it was all quiet. Only the Buddha chant was playing on loop on the altar. We had hot coffee while remisnisce about Grandma.

That morning, I pinned a blue square on my right sleeve and tied a blue band on my wrist - a symbol of mourning. At about 10.00 a.m., the ceremony began. We lined up to take the last look at Grandma before the undertakers closed the coffin. Then all the wreaths were brought out. Grandma's coffin was brought to the front of the house and placed behind an altar table. Chanting and prayers were soon to follow, together with some other rituals. Finally, the coffin was loaded into the hearse. A marching band lead the hearse, and all of us walked behind it to the main road and thereafter climbed into a bus.

The funeral procession drove through Sekama Road, Ang Cheng Ho Road, Padungan Road - where Grandma lived before her marriage, and then it drove along Park Lane - where Grandma lived for most of her life .... and finally making its way to the cemetary for burial. More rituals followed at the cemetary, culminating in the removal of our mourning tags and bands. Finally, we were all instructed to throw flowers into the grave and walk back to the bus without turning back.

I did just that - throwing a stalk of yellow Chrysanthemum into the dirt and whispering my goodbye to Grandma. Then I turned and made my way slowly down to the slope and climbed on board the bus. We headed next to Ellis Road, where Grandma's  tablet was unveiled and placed at its rightful place on the shelf, just next to Grandpa's.

Then the family hosted lunch for relatives and friends and helpers and the undertakers at Hoi Tin Lau Restaurant.

We think that the funeral was just as Grandma would have wanted it. She wanted to be sent off from home in a reasonably grand scale. Her children tried very much to fulfill that wish ... and set out to organise the funeral like she would have wanted it.

RIP, Grandma. See you again.