This Christmas And Transition to 2010

I just sent one of my closest friends, S**** to the airport.

To her, Christmas is a big deal. It is a time when she and her family come together in joy and celebration.

S**** has gone back to Kuching to prepare for the occasion, and she will not be coming back to Miri till January 2010.

S**** and her family plan to have an open house this year, and that requires a lot of preparation.

Normally, S**** is very careful on her expenditure, but for the past 2 weeks, she went out on shopping binges.

I guess I was taken aback because for the last two Christmases, she had not been so enthusiastic.

There were plenty to buy. She had to buy cooking and baking ingredients and tidbits to bring home. Not only that, she bought new clothes for everyone at home. For herself, she bought a set of new clothes, new t-shirts, new shoes and even new ... ahem ... undergarments!

I do not celebrate Christmas at home. And so I will be so stuck in Miri till middle of February 2010. And so, I really dread this Christmas, as most of my friends will be away. Some are off to Kuching, and some to Sibu, and God knows where else.

Actually, I have been quite down since I came back to Miri from my brief holiday. Last week, I had this incurable ache in my heart. I felt empty, and I did not know if I could endure another year in Miri. I really feel like I'm wasting my youth away here. And so I really have the urge to do something drastic.

The irony is that people commented that I looked cheerful and refreshed. If only they can see right through me, where my heart is, to see that it is twisted in pain.

This week has not been any better. I hope that I will be up and going again next week.